Friends and Memories

Another step in the right direction! This weekend, my husband and I visited some friends out of town. In college we had all shared a house together and that year was one of my worst binging years on record. I had an incredibly hard time with one of our friends, who I'm now convinced has his own issues with food. At the time, though, I didn't think that and every negative comment he made about eating, bodies, beauty, etc I took personally. In defiance I ate more and more. I remember doing it as a rebellion. (To be clear, he was never making comments about me. He was commenting on his wife (who was the thinnest of us all and remains that way today)or in general. But I was incapable of not personalizing all comments.)

Here's the good news: he made an appalling comment and I used my wit and words to fight back, rather than eating. He said something about women needing their breasts fixed after having babies. His wife has had 3 children and our other friend also has 3 children. The female friend's face just crumpled at his comment (I was standing behind his wife, so I couldn't see her). I couldn't let that comment slide. I responded in such a way that he quickly said, "Geez Karissa, you know I was kidding. [My wife] knew I was kidding." At which point his wife shook her head "no" and our other friend said she didn't know. I turned to him and said, "Well, you've known me a long time, so you should know that I don't find that kind of thing funny or a joke." BAM!!

After that I became emotionally, not just intellectually, convinced that his negative body image comments have nothing to do with his wife or me or women, but everything to do with his own issues. The realization, sinking all the way in to my heart, makes me sad for him but liberated because I gave his comments too much power in the past. And if I can do that with him, I think I might find success with others too.