Flickering Lights

I am a little bit scared. Or creeped out. Lights in my house keep flickering on and off. And different rooms are losing power. Last night my bedroom lost all power and I had to flip the switch in the powerbox to turn it on again. Downstairs, today, the family room power has gone out twice...but the rest of the house remained on. I don't get it. It makes me nervous. I'm afraid I'm going to have an electrical fire or just be in the dark all night long. Neither of those are comforting scenarios.

A little thing like that sets me off. I ate two bowls of ice cream tonight. My husband is out of town. I didn't binge for my lunch-dinner meal, but I overate. The lawn guy gave me a quote for cutting wood that is way higher than what my husband wanted. I had the high school graduation today, where I have to dress in my cap, gown & hood and walk with the faculty to the stage before the students enter. All these little things add up for me in a way that I think healthy people don't have. All of them cause me nervousness from a little (graduation b/c I've done it so many times) to a lot (lights flickering, high wood cutting quote).

I think the lights flickering really bothers me because I'm most afraid that it's going to be another thing that will fall apart in my house. And I'll need to call various electricians, get estimates, pick someone to fix it, be around to let him in the house, and then deal with any horrible problems he finds while fixing it. That's a lot of stuff that I dislike doing and it feels more and more like that's how my whole summer will look. I wonder if healthy people don't jump ahead to all the "what ifs" and worst-case-scenarios. I wonder if healthy people think, "lights flicking...hmmm...I guess I should call someone and see what happens." I don't think that way. I am currently envisioning all my walls being torn apart as wiring is updated, plaster dust/chunks everywhere. I envision then having to find someone skilled at plastering to try to seamlessly correct all the destruction wrought by the electrician. I envision having to tape off room after room and repaint all the walls because just repainting where the plaster has been repaired, or even just that one wall, will not be sufficient--it will be obvious that only one part/wall was freshly painted.

So, if you wonder why I binge, now you have a little insight into the workings of my mind and why I am frequently trying to push down my anxiety and fear. I think it might take a lot of work to stop going to these worst-case scenarios, but it seems that is something I will need to work on doing.